Cast of 54
by Phoenix-sol
Summary: Short fic; when Jake is Billy. Rachel; Polly. Cassie; Dian. Marco; Zachary. Tobias; Van and Ax; Warson see what happens when they’re surprised with the final script of the Animorphs series and how the Director Lex manages the outraged cast.


I 

**I've written this some time ago, I was clearing my files when I stumbled across it, I wanted to delete it but decided; what the heck, why don't I post it?**

**If there was ever a genre that rated; stupid, I'd have put this fic under it.**

"But Polly dar-ling…yew ave to unda-stand!" 

"I have to understand nothing!" Polly screamed back, "How dare they! Kicking me off the series like that!" 

"But she 'as to die. It 'ts in 'er character." 

"Rachel's character is immune to death!" 

"Polly, baby…" 

BOOM! 

"Yew will git it soonah or later!" Lex yelled at the door. There was no response. Lex sighed and ran a hand through his hair, he turned to the assistant director, a beaten down man with a half baldhead, Lex looked at the tired man through his thick rimmed glasses, he said, "Next on 'zis lesst of yours is who?"

"We had problems with…er…Warson." 

"What problems?" 

The assistant coughed, "Script related, sir." 

"Argh! _Script_ related! Script _related_! Doesn't hiz complaining stop?" Lex snarled, kicking at a chair, "What is it wit zat arrogant little…" Lex went on ranting. 

The assistant led Lex to Warson's room, it had no furniture inside, it only had a standard Andalite computer and a TV in another corner, plus, the wall was covered with chocolate ads and the largest of the posters was one showing a cinnamon bun. It was Warson's favorite. 

And of course, the ground was covered in well-tended grass. 

"What iz it Warson?" Lex snapped. He was always extremely short tempered when dealing with Andalites. Warson had always had one problem or another that was 'script relate'. And besides, Lex hated Andalites; they make extremely lousy actors. Which was fine, because, and let's face it, Ax was a lousy character. There was hardly an emotional throw-ins needed. 

Warson turned away from the counsel he had been facing, snatched up the script and marched over to Lex waving the script in his face. 

Cigarette butts indeed! What do you think my people are? Goats?! You expect me to enjoy eating cigarette butts! 

"No your people are not goats, I was thinking more like jackasses." Lex wanted to say, but he controlled his anger, "It is a humorous factor in the script." 

I do not like it. 

"_You_ don't have to like it, K.A wrote it, and the script goes by her work." 

Inform this…K.A… character that my people _will not_ indulge in it! 

"I'll see what I can do." Lex said, as a sarcastic note he added, "Anysing else?" 

In fact, yes. I request a final show down between Ax and Visser One. I want the ending of that Yeerk a dramatic one. 

"I can't do zat." 

'Zat' _must_ be done. 

"_Zat_ is out of the question!" 

Then I get to cut the Visser after he exists Alloran's beaten body. 

"Absolutely not!" 

Just what do I get to do? 

"You'd be elevated to a Princely rank." 

Other than that? 

"Isn't that enough!" Lex roared. 

No, 

"I'll see what we could do about it." The assistant cut in before something else could happen, "Next on the list, director, we don't want to keep Dian waiting." 

"Dian?" Lex said incredulously, "The Dian I know does not complain." 

The assistant coughed, "Who said she was complaining?" 

"Let us see to her then, shall we?" 

"Dian is waiting in the green room." 

"What is she doing in zat greenrroom? Isn't she suppozed to be in 'er corner?" 

"She is waiting." 

"I see." 

The assistant and the director marched towards the greenroom, as they were making their way, the director asked for a cup of coffee. 

"I'll bring it." The assistant muttered. 

"Dian." Lex said with a warm smile, "You wanted to see moi?" 

"Yes, I did in fact." Dian said smoothly, "It is about the last show of the series." 

"What is it?" 

"I just wanted to thank you." 

"For what?" 

"Firstly, for getting me out of that wretched barn, secondly, for changing Cassie's taste in clothes, you do know I'm found of hiking, right? At least, more than that nitwit Polly, frankly? I can't understand her taste of cloths. And personally, I like Ronnie –you know, from the series? We're getting engaged, that's what I wanted to tell you." 

"Oh, Dian," Lex's smile grew warmer, "Congratulations. I 'ope you and your fiancée all the luck pozsiblae." 

"That's so sweet of you." She gave him another smile and Lex hugged her, "I'm glad the show is over, I can't stand the animals." 

"Moi as well, the horrible things wrecked my set twenty-five times, and zat 'orrible grizzly, I'm happy that today is ze end of him." 

"Hmmm." Dian stared into space. 

"I better go then." Lex said, "I 'ave work to do." 

"Hmmm." 

Lex walked out of the room feeling somewhat relived, the feeling didn't last long, it never did, someone would always come along and to send him in a fit. 

"I have a problem! Lex! Lex! There you are, look! Will you look at what they did!" 

"What did they do?" Lex answered skeptically. 

"My hair!" Zachary shrieked, "Will you look at my hair!" 

"What iz wrong wiz it?" 

Zachary's tense face relaxed a little, but he jumped forward, "You mean nothing is wrong with it?" 

"Non." 

"Oh god, man, you saved me, ever since I had to get my hair cut it had been growing all wrong! Why don't people get it? Marco has to be seen with long hair, otherwise, he is not Marco." 

"Non." 

"Then I could get it to grow longer?" 

"Oui." 

"That's yes in French right?" 

"Oui." 

"So you're okay with it." 

"Oui." 

"Can't you give me a sentence for an answer other than monosyllable words?" 

"Non." 

"You know, I do know that you could speak English, I've heard you dude." 

"Pardon." Lex said briskly. He shoved Zachary aside and started to walk away. 

"'Pardon' is not a monosyllable answer, man! You won the lotto! Say, speaking about lotto's and all, couldn't we get Marco in one of these things? At first you'd think he'd be the sort of guy to do it, but then you'd remember he isn't a betting guy, he has a poker face but he's not into poker, so he wouldn't gamble, right? But lotteries are like gambling right? So that wouldn't work. Too bad, which brings me to my next question, could you sort of do a dream like thing when Marco talks about his career making? I've always wanted to drive a canary viper, it's what he has right? Anyway, and I want to talk to David Letterman-" 

The droning voice was lost in the background as a grizzly roared past. Soon after the grizzly was gone he could hear Zachary's voice over the far off rumble of the tigers. 

"-and I want to… wait, let me get out my list, what number are we on? Oh, okay, I want to be seen with-" 

Lex completely ignored Zachary who bounced around behind him, Lex had bigger problems ahead; another confrontation with Polly. 

"I just don't get it, it's not fair. Why does my character have to end? Lex, couldn't you do some thing about it? Please? For little-old-me?" 

"Polly, you aren't ze only one who's going to be kicked out. It is et toi, avec ze entire cast. This iz the last show." 

"Sequel!" Polly, screamed angrily, "The Animorphs returns! Fighting off the Kelbrid or whatever! My point is; I WOULDN'T BE IN IT!" 

"You'd be in Tobias's dreams." 

"Sappy dreams then?" Polly's eyes glimmered, "Oh, fine, okay then, I don't mind Van De Gaval as a human, he'd be human right? I ain't going to be talking to a flea bitten bird all over again." She gave Lex a murderous look. 

"Err, non. He'd be a human." 

"Good." Polly paused, looked at Zachary in shock, "What did you do to your hair?" 

"SEE!" Zachary yelped, "Oh my god, oh my god, it's the last show and I'm going to look like a complete dweeb. No, No, No." 

Polly rolled her eyes, "Deep breath Zach, deeeep breath." 

Zachary popped an eye open, "I dread to ask, but what is wrong with my hair?" 

At this point Billy, Dian and Van walked in looking a bit amused but they didn't say anything. 

"What's wrong with my hair?" Zachary repeated looking at his teased hair in a mirror. 

"Urgh." Polly rolled her eyes and said, "Well, you're the only one who thinks it's a style." 

"Arrrgh." Zachary groaned, "I rest my case." He looked at the mirror and said to himself, "I'm hopeless." 

"Tell you what Lex?" Van said, "This is the first show in the series that has a lot of me, instead of my voice accompanied with that dumb bird. Thumbs up." 

"Merci." Lex didn't mind being complemented. 

"Why do I have to be depressed?" Billy asked, "I wouldn't mind Jake loosing a bit of his heavy weight." 

Polly frowned, "You aren't fat." 

"Not that kind of weight." Billy said with a gentle smile at Polly, "Mentally, you know Jake, he's so…out of it, the media can't handle the guy. Too bad." 

"The media wouldn't be able to handle you because you're so _in_ to it." Polly giggled, "How come you didn't get the Tobias role? I'd have acted better." 

"You don't need to act to be Rachel," Van snarled, "You're a typically airhead blonde with all the stupidity and the emotional misbalance. I'm just glad I'm rid of you." 

"Hey chicken legs." Billy jumped up, "Don't mess with my girl." 

"Don't worry. I'll give her the least loving look when she dies. This way you wouldn't be offended and nor would I." 

"People…people." Lex muttered. His mind spinning. "We don't we call it a day? Zee shooting is scheduled on Lundi huit, er, Monday eighth. " 

"Glad to call it a day." Van said, "If you people excuse me, I've got a lot of things to do besides hanging around with the circus freaks." 

The others mumbled similar things. Billy and Polly went their own way as did Ronnie and Dian. Van and Zachary took separate routes home. 

"Ovior!" Lex called out happy to be alone, "See you on Lundi!" 

The assistant paddled up to Lex looking breathless, "Your coffee sir, its cold." 

Lex shook his head, "Don't all of us 'ave bad days?" 


End file.
